This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
