the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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