Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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