Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she pinky promised me she was 18
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
