I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
