i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
