I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We are all done wearing pants today
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
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