I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
