so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
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I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
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Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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