You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The feeling are messing with the penis
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
