Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
