what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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