you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
