stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
