I can text with my tongue
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
