East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
