I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
