On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
