Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
