she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
