Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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