she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
