he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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