yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
