I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
