Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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