Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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