Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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