fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
