Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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