Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
