If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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