I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
