why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
