He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
