Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
