I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
