I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
