I feel like abortions should bother me more
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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