i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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