so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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