yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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