She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
