Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
