What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
