Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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