Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
There are leaves in my underwear?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
