Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
