i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
