He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
