oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
