Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
