She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
