Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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