The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize