Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
