My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
