I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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