I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
