After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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