So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
