Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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