ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
