Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
