I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
