..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
