I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
