I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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