I murdered the dance floor call the cops
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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