i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
