he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
