I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
