Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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