dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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