So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he was CRYING into my vagina
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
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Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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