The maid of honor just puked.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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