His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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