WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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