Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
