it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
