So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
