After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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